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https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2026/01/heated-rivalry-season-1-episode-6-recap-come-on-weve-got-bad-things-to-do/
https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/?p=164833
Well. It’s been a wild ride, and I’m not just talking Shane on Ilya’s dick. Just over a month ago, Heated Rivalry slammed into our collective ids like a Texas-sized asteroid. To call it a hit might be an understatement. It’s a phenomenon. Before episode 3 aired, The Onion wrote a satirical explainer for it, which is possibly the clearest sign that you’ve arrived.
I have never seen a show of any kind, much less a romance novel adaptation, drive so many straight men to tears. People all across Canada and the US started referring to December 25th (or the 26th, if you were on the East Coast) as Cottage Day.
So this is it. The finale. The culmination of eight years of hookups and heartbreak. Did Jacob Tierney manage to stick the landing?
I mean. Does Shane prefer being the hole?
We start with Scott Hunter’s speech as he wins MVP at the MLH Awards. We flip between seeing him onstage vs. on the TV screen at the Kingfisher, the queer sports bar frequented by Kip and co. His message about the importance of seeing somebody like him exist in the public eye—look, there’s so much that can be said about what coming out means. In our society it’s mostly about making ourselves legible to straight people, especially those of us who can be mistaken as straight or cis. But it’s also about providing other queers with a template, too. Of showing those who are like us: we exist. You’re not alone. You are lovable. You will be loved.
Side note: I wrote the paragraphs above almost immediately after the finale, and then holiday stuff swamped me for basically a week and stopped any meaningful attempts at writing, but during that time I read poet Laura Sackton’s incredible meditation on what it means to communicate queerness: Queer Syntax is Infinite. Reading it provided me with the strange experience of realizing that someone had just pulled all my thoughts about this from my head and expressed it more beautifully than I ever could’ve.
So to crib a phrase from Sackton: queerness makes queerness possible. That’s it, that’s the thesis of this entire show, its beating heart, and it’s palpable as we follow Shane and Ilya to their retreat to the cottage.
We start with a nervous Shane waiting for Ilya in the airport parking lot, and Ilya needles Shane about his car before he even buckles his seatbelt. Hey, man has a King of Shittalk crown to keep. Shane, bless his extremely straightforward socks, falls for it and defends the honor of his car (“It’s reliable! Good in the snow!”).
“Okay,” says Ilya sardonically, thus nuking Shane from orbit with a single word.
When they reach the cottage, Shane very gallantly takes Ilya’s carry-on, because clearly he, a man recovering from a broken collarbone, needs to be solicitous of his guest, a man who had bruised ribs a month ago. Ilya is prickly about this, but let’s be real, he’s probably melting and thinking “my beautiful boring man is treating me like princess uwu.”
Once they’re inside, Shane treats Ilya to a healthy helping of that autistic rizz by extolling the house’s many virtues, including the quality of its tapwater (“I have my own well. You can see it, actually!”). What the hell, Shane! Going on and on about how good the tapwater is our thing. Stop appropriating Portlander culture!
Ilya allows Shane to go on for a while until he asks Ilya if he’s thirsty. That proves to be Ilya’s breaking point, because he is, actually, but for dick. Cue an adorable stumbling makeout scene, during which they flagrantly endanger a lamp, and Shane squashes Ilya on the couch.
Picking up a fifteen-pound suitcase: no, your ribs are too delicate
. Supporting 190ish pounds of muscle and bone directly on the ribcage: totally fine, actually
.
True to form, they both immediately stick their hands down each other’s pants, and Shane confesses: he’s on a hair trigger, because he’s not slept with anyone else since their last time together (presumably the Boston hookup the day Ilya finds out his father is dead). Ilya confesses the same.
*David Attenborough voice* And here we see an example of mutual dickmatization, a phenomenon not uncommon in a bonded homosexual pair during the earliest stages of courtship. Shane and Ilya are highly unusual in that their courtship has been in progress for eight years—an example of late-onset dickmatization. Quite rare, and a true privilege to witness in the wild.
Shane then bashfully proposes that they hold nothing back during their two-week idyll. Truth and vulnerability; no more hiding in the dark, no more masks. Ilya says he’ll do his best, then pulls their attention back to what’s most important: touching each other’s dicks.
I will do anything if it will make you touch my dick right now.
Shane offers a variety of options for guest bedrooms. Ilya, a certified Cunning Bitch, makes his room requirements more and more specific until he demands a bedroom with an ensuite bathroom; naturally, Shane’s is the only bedroom that fits. Shane takes Ilya there and tells him with insincere regret that the bedroom isn’t available; Ilya immediately manhandles him onto the bed. Shane, finally overcome by the spirit of improv that infects every Tierney set, gasps, “Sir, I’m just a bellhop! You can’t treat the staff this way!”
Ilya’s growled threats about how exactly the staff like to be treated after all these years are alas interrupted by Shane reaching for the remote to lower the privacy shades. But we’re in a new era: Ilya is tired of railing his hockey husband in the dark. Boning in natural light only. He grabs the remote from Shane and flicks it over his shoulder.
What follows is an almost shot-for-shot recreation of their first blowjob, which as far as a narrative device goes is incredibly effective and also designed to drive all us obsessive fans out of our minds. Sunlight and open affection and uncovered windows in Shane’s personal sanctuary, vs. darkness and resentful attraction and the anonymity of a hotel. The Shane from episode 2 who felt nervous and exposed about all the windows in the Las Vegas penthouse is now happy to have sex with his beloved in a house with walls that are 80% glass.
Jacob Tierney, you didn’t need to take a sledgehammer to our feelings in quite this way, but then we weep with gratitude and say “thank you, sir, please may we have another,” so that’s on us, I guess.
We next see the boys on the deck where Shane is very dutifully making eight hamburgers because that’s what the recipe said, okay? Ilya asks him why he didn’t just cut the recipe in half, and Shane doesn’t have a ready answer for him, which proves the stereotypes wrong: not all Asians are good at math, okay! (For the record, I am, or I was back when I took math classes, because I’m an Asian stereotype.)
As they eat their burgers, Ilya asks Shane about his parents; the half-Japanese, half-boring chirp is chefkiss 10/10 and also accurate, sry if it makes u mad Shane. Assorted institutions that catch strays include McGill and the New Yorker (for the second time—also, please, the New Yorker is not the New York Times).
The conversation hits a nerve, however, when Ilya asks Shane whether his parents know he’s gay, and why he hasn’t told them. Shane admits that he probably would’ve told them earlier if not for the fact that the only man he’s seen regularly for the last eight years is Ilya. Ilya points out Shane doesn’t need to provide his parents with a list of the guys he’s fucking, which only goes to show he doesn’t know Asian parents, especially mothers.
Cut to the two boys sitting in front of a bonfire. Ilya asks, incredulously, whether he’s just supposed to look at it. Ilya, babe, as another city kid with zero fascination for fire, I feel you.
But Ilya spoke too soon—his nervous system is plenty excited when he hears the eerie call of a loon and thinks it’s a wolf. It’s an iconic comic moment from the book, and it’s executed flawless in the show as well. Sorry, they’re no longer loons, they’re now officially stupid Canadian wolf birds.
Shane asks Ilya about his family, which leads Ilya to talk about his mother, and he drops an emotional bombshell: his mother died of suicide when he was twelve, and he’d been the one to find her. This scene is one of the most devastating in the episode, rivaling the Russian monologue in the underpass: Ilya with his head on Shane’s lap, the planes of his face thrown into relief by firelight, expression stiff and masklike. His voice is dreamy and distant and sad.
Well. If I ever need to think about something that reliably makes me cry, I now have it!
We cut to morning, to the two of them asleep in the same bed for the first time. Ilya in repose looks like an especially gorgeous Cupid—not the fat baby with wings, but the god who drives Psyche to perform impossible tasks to regain his love.
Ilya says, with sleepy affection, “I like you.” Shane says “I like you, too.” This moment—the first sincere declaration between the two of them in a mutually intelligible language with no attempts at denial or hedging—is probably responsible for, bare minimum, twenty different angels getting their wings.
Impossibly pretty man likes other impossibly pretty man
We move to the couch, where Shane and Ilya are playing a hockey video game; Ilya, naturally, picks the Metros, because he’s King Hater. Shane picks the Raiders and states his intention of destroying Ilya.
“I am you,” Ilya reminds him.
“Well, you’re not anything,” Shane shoots back.
“I’m on the cover of the fucking game!” Ilya retorts while holding the cover of the game to his face, proving that one can be a king and queen at the same time.
And then the phone buzzes. Oh look, it’s Hayden! Shane takes the call because he’s a good friend who wants to check in with his best friend about his new baby. This leaves Ilya at loose ends, and you can absolutely trust him to be able to sit for five whole minutes to let Shane to talk in peace.
Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Like fuck you can. Ilya immediately enters chaotic bisexual mode and starts grabbing for Shane’s dick. Shane smacks Ilya away as if he’s an exceptionally large, exceptionally beautiful mosquito. This doesn’t deter Ilya in the least.
Raise your hand if you’re evil and bisexual and a menace to society
Shane pauses the call (the way I sweated over his trust of the mute button) and makes a fool’s bargain with Ilya: if his dick gets hard, Ilya gets to do whatever he wants. Shane states, with the false confidence of the damned, that he won’t get hard.
He of course gets hard. Almost immediately.
What ensues is a disaster of a conversation, in which Ilya gives Shane the sloppiest, loudest blowjob of all time while slapping Shane in the face and trying to stick his fingers in his mouth. Shane saves the situation by doing an absolutely wretched job of sounding normal.
If I were Hayden, I would’ve been like, hey buddy, you at a hot dog eating competition or something? Or are you trying to plunge your toilet there? Why are you spanking wet bread dough over and over again? Those are some concerningly weird noises, bro.
Ilya taking a little slap and tickle extremely literally
Ilya makes Shane come; Shane places way too much faith in the phone mute button again, and then fobs Hayden off with an unconvincing line about needing to answer the door for an Amazon delivery driver. Brohams, it’s Amazon, they drop the package off on your porch. They don’t need concierge service. But comedy transitions into a tender moment: after Shane hangs up, he immediately pounces on Ilya and wonders why that was so hot. Ilya replies with “Because you like being bad,” before shutting up in mortification because he’s realized what a horrible self-own that is.
Shane, seeing Ilya’s expression, immediately reassures him: that’s not what they have. Not for a long time.
This is the exact polar opposite of the girls are fighting. The boys are…talking? Reaching an understanding? Being so sweet to each other that I’m gnawing on drywall?
We next see the boys kicking a soccer ball around outside because this show doesn’t have the budget to show us Shane’s fancy custom gym complete with practice rink that we get in the books. Ilya points out that he’s going to be a free agent next year, which means he can sign up with a different team. Maybe a Canadian team. Apply for Canadian citizenship so he’s not restricted to a Russian passport. Just, you know. Just musing out loud here.
And then it’s nighttime. They’re looking at their phones while sitting across from each other on the couch with legs outstretched. It’s a posture reminiscent of the gym scene from the beginning of episode 1—except this time their feet are touching.
And, look. I’m not a feet guy. I’m not, like, repulsed by them, but I’m no Quentin Tarantino. So when I say that this is THE cutest toe touches of all time, please take it with the seriousness it deserves. This is the good shit. The uncut stuff. These toe touches have everything: affection, quiet domesticity, assurance, comfort in each other’s presence, and also Ilya bringing up a green card marriage with Svetlana out of fucking nowhere wait what the fuck?

Shane, who is the most wholesome man on God’s green earth, asks Ilya why he wouldn’t marry a woman he’s actually in love with. The fear and uncertainty on his face: heartbreaking. The tears that have welled up in his eyes: making me sob like a little baby. Because what Shane’s actually asking Ilya is: why won’t you make your life easier? Find a girl, fall in love, marry. He has the option to do this while remaining true to himself in a way that Shane doesn’t.
Ilya answers in the most Ilya way imaginable. He rhapsodizes about the gorgeous and sexy women he’s surrounded by—women he enjoys, who enjoy him right back. Except he has a problem: he can’t get over a slow, boring hockey player with beautiful freckles and a weak backhand.
At that last, the other shoe finally drops for Shane, and he smiles. “Do you want that problem to go away?”
No, it turns out. Ilya never wants that problem to go away.
Shane, it turns out, is truly Yuna Hollander’s son, because he stays up thinking deep into the night while Ilya sleeps next to him, until he hits upon a plan. He wakes up Ilya and proceeds to lay out a detailed scheme: Ilya transfers to Ottawa to be closer to Montreal, and they start a charity together. Change the narrative (“what is narrative?” asks an adorable sleepy Ilya, and never have I wanted to swaddle a big-ass grown-ass man in cotton batting more) so that when they’re seen in public or spend a lot of time in the summer together, nobody would bat an eye. And then, eventually, when they retire—they can be together.
Ilya asks Shane, a little incredulously, if he’s really thinking this far ahead. Shane responds: Yeah. For this, he does.
Overcome by his love for autistic hyperfixation, Ilya finally does it: he says “I love you” to Shane—first in Russian, and then again in English.
Shane, shocked, responds with “Holy shit.” Ilya, taken aback, attempts to backtrack and begins to say “I mean—” but before he has a chance to come up with plausible cover, Shane says “I love you” right back.
Does it fucking kill you, too?
Sunrise. Ilya sits by the lake when Shane approaches with a blanket and coffee. It’s a beautiful mirror of the Tampa Bay scene: same gorgeous orange light, and they’re both sitting by a body of water, but instead of barely daring to touch fingertips in the sand, they’re cuddled up to each other. The landscape shots here (and throughout the episode) are warm-tinted and gauzy—ethereal, even. The sparkles on the water and the sun through the leaves are exaggerated; every shot feels like a beloved old photo, thumbed through a thousand times and a little sun-faded. It has the effect of making these moments feel outside of time. Magical.
We transition to the two boys making love, bathed in more gorgeous light. After, while they’re cuddling, Shane suggests that they name their charity foundation after Ilya’s mother Irina, and donate their proceeds to mental health causes.
Overcome once again, this time by his other weakness, terminal sincerity, Ilya kisses Shane and tells him his mother would’ve loved Shane the way Ilya loves Shane. And then, at Shane’s request, he demonstrates how to say “I love you” in Russian.
It would be inaccurate to say I’m crying again, because that presumes I’ve stopped ever since the green card marriage conversation.
We move on to a different day. The boys frolic at the lake; Shane grumps at Ilya for getting him wet (lol) because what if his phone had been in his pocket? Ilya mentions, in a non-ominous way, that his phone is on the table (which table? Oh, you know. Table) and has been ringing all morning.
As they make their way back up to the cottage, the camera shows an Ominous Silhouette in the kitchen. The boys, unaware of the unwanted visitor, kiss each other right against the glass sliding door.
And then Jason Voorhees emerges from the dark depths of the kitchen and kills our boys. Surprise, this was actually sneak entry in the Friday the Thirteenth franchise. Look, he’s wearing a hockey mask and everything!
I’m kidding! It’s actually Shane’s dad, who’d forgotten his charger at the cottage (lol) and instead of going into town and buying a replacement he moseys on up to his son’s silent retreat and gets an eyeful. OOPS. Overwhelmed by the sheer magnificence of Ilya Rozanov’s naked titties, he turns tail and drives off.
Shane melts down. He’s been lying to his parents all these years—and holy shit, his mother is going to know he’s gay now. His mother is going to know he’s gay and fucking Ilya Rozanov, which might be the one unforgivable crime for the Metros superfan who is Yuna Hollander. He repeats, over and over, that this is his nightmare. Genuinely he might’ve preferred being machete murdered by Jason over this.
Ilya proves to be a rock. He comforts Shane, shakes him a little and tells him maybe it’s time to wake up, and then hugs him and tells him he’s brave. If you want to torture yourself a little (and by little I mean a lot), contemplate how baby Ilya at various times was alone and terrified and wished there was somebody who could hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but had nobody except maybe sometimes Svetlana.
You’re welcome
.
They head over to Shane’s parents’ house together. Ilya, in yet another king move, wears a Boston Raiders t-shirt.
When Shane suggests that maybe Ilya should stay in the car when they reach his parents’ house, he’s treated to the most bombastic Ilya eyebrows yet. Truly, it took the power of exasperated love to unlock their full power.
Shane then announces himself in a totally normal and not-at-all awkward way as he walks in the door—“Hi, it’s me, Shane.” You know. Just in case his parents forgot the name of their one and only child, who also happens to be a superstar hockey captain. And then Shane and Ilya proceed to stand exactly like the “mom, I frew up” meme.

Comic moments and postures aside, there’s something heartbreaking about how stiff and formal they are in the moment—if you look at Ilya’s face, it’s basically the dissociating-so-hard-I’m-in-outer-space expression he has in episode 2, post-Sochi Olympics loss.
It’s Ilya’s “shit’s about to go down with parents” face, and that sure does make me feel some kind of way!
Yuna and David are understandably confused—Yuna possibly even more confused than David, because it’s not entirely clear that David has told Yuna anything yet. Shane announces that he’s gay, and then attempts to explain Ilya before settling on “I love him,” which only makes Yuna, certified Boston Raiders Hater
, look even more concerned. (Ilya offering up “lovers” as a word to describe what they are and Shane’s immediate, viscerally disgusted reaction is so funny and again, a little sad, because Ilya is trying, okay, that’s the correct word in Russian!)
They sit down at the table as Yuna and David attempt to untangle timelines. They’ve suspected that Shane might be gay for a while (foreshadowed by the episode 4 “Swedish princess? Really?” exchange between David and Yuna at the restaurant) but the love affair with Ilya has clearly come out of left field—ha ha baseball metaphor in hockey show.
Side note: it’s absolutely hilarious that Ilya achieves first name-basis with them seven years faster than he manages with their son, whom he’s been fucking almost this entire time.
Anyway, the conversation that follows has resulted in two god-tier edits: this edit set to the Wii hold music (love that the Garak and Bashir first meeting video has turned this into a legit genre), and this gifset that somehow conveys the exact same vibe without the music.
Yuna asks Shane if he’s ever done the worst thing she can conceive of: letting Ilya win. Shane shoots back with whether she’s ever allowed David to win at cards; her immediate “I’d rather die” is 10/10, no notes. Way to put it in terms your mom can understand, Shane!
Talk turns to their long-term plan for their relationship; when Ilya and Shane admit that they basically plan to keep their love for each other in the dark until they retire, Yuna exclaims “But no, that’s sad,” which gets across a fact that’s been obscured by their cottage getaway: the boys are in love and are able to openly acknowledge that love between themselves, and with a small, select group of people, but they don’t have what Scott and Kip have. They’re no longer trapped in the closet, but they’re still lingering in the shadows.
David, like many boomer parents, is confused by bisexuality, and brings up Ilya’s reputation as a womanizer. Ilya, immodest beast that he is, acknowledges that yeah he’s got game, but also he’s only ever been in love with one person. Shane says the same, and we get a reprise of the shoe taps from episode 1. The context is different, but they’re once again answering difficult questions under uncomfortable circumstances, and in all the ways that matter, they have each other’s backs.
Yuna, overwhelmed, gets up and goes outside. Shane follows her out.
“I need you to know that I did really try,” he tells her, his face stiff with repressed emotion. “I tried really hard, but um. I just really can’t help it. I’m sorry.”
Yuna is immediately horrified and tells him Shane he has nothing to apologize for. In fact, she apologizes to Shane for making him feel as if he couldn’t tell her the truth. She tells him she’s proud of him, and asks him for forgiveness; Shane forgives her. They both tearfully say they love each other.
Anyway, I guess having a break from crying for about fifteen minutes was pretty nice! Good thing I was wearing a really absorbent cardigan with extra-long sleeves while watching! This scene is for all the people out there who’ve all their lives wanted approval AND an apology from their parents but are never going to get either; ha ha ha this definitely didn’t completely flatten me while simultaneously providing me with vicarious catharsis or anything.
When they return inside, they sit down for a pasta lunch while Yuna re-enters manager mode (bless). She’s talking brand deals, messaging, Rolex, Reebok, pow pow pow—and Shane has to tell her to cool her jets because he’s not ready to come out yet much less talk to fuckin’ Speedo or whatever, Jesus Christ, slow down Yuna.
You know who’s not slowing down, though? Ilya. Not with pasta on the table, baby! He eats like an absolute beast, and it is truly one of the best background comic moments of the whole show, right up there with how Shane says “bye bye” in episode 5 while concussed and high off his ass.
Ilya eating pasta is an icon, please somebody cast this in bronze somewhere
Another great comic moment: when Yuna asks Ilya whether he’d really leave Boston for Shane; never has the implied “you whore” been more loudly left unsaid. Loving her son enough to leave his team and move to a different country is all well and good, but where’s the loyalty to the team that’s drafted you, Ilya, you traitorous slut!!! Ilya is completely unoffended by this.
In fact, Ilya is taking all of this in stride, because listen: nobody is being arrested. Nobody is threatening to forcibly out anyone. Shane is not being disowned. What Ilya sees, basically, is an emotionally difficult moment with fundamentally supportive parents who want nothing but the best for their son, even when their son shocks them and hurts them, or does things they disapprove of.
The emotional stakes are fundamentally different for Ilya—not just because these aren’t his parents he’s having to come out to, but because of his existing family dynamics. Disappointing his parents (well, his father) was the default state when his father was still alive; the best Ilya could ever achieve with him was “well, at least you didn’t fuck up this time.” Coming out to his father has never been an option, which is why his wish in episode 5 that his father could have truly known him cuts so deep: not only is it impossible in death, it would have been impossible in life, too. There’s no possible closure for that kind of grief.
And now here’s Shane, with parents who love him and are manifestly proud of him, and who are all-in on supporting him, no matter what. They don’t approve of Ilya? Get in line! That’s his operating assumption, baby!
When the talk turns to Ilya checking in with Scott Hunter post-coming out, Shane slowly slumps until his forehead hits the table. He’s fine! He’s just freaking out. Just needs some chill forehead-on-table time.
Ilya immediately enters gentle dom mode and talks him down—puts a soothing hand on the back of his neck, reminds him that he’s safe, that his family is there, and his boyfriend.
At the word “boyfriend,” Shane raises his head. Boyfriend??
“I mean, yes, I think, probably,” Ilya replies. Everybody applaud: this bozo has finally successfully asked Shane to be his boyfriend, and he did it backwards and while he was having a panic attack. He gets an A, not just for his effort, but for the sheer number of attempts.
As Shane and Ilya finally leave Shane’s parents’ house, the sense of hope is palpable. The Hollanders are heading over to the cottage for dinner, presumably to talk about the future and to get to know Ilya better. There are multiple emphatic please text before coming over reminders, and I love yous.
And then the credits roll.
Y’all. It’s the best end credits I’ve seen for any TV show. Possibly the best end credits I’ve ever seen, full stop. It’s just the two boys driving off into the afternoon, awash in the most incredible golden light, chatting and holding hands and crying and laughing together, while “Bad Things” by Cailin Russo plays, but it’s more than that. They’ve been through so much; they’ve known each other for so long. They’re finally here, together, secure in their love, with the future unfurling like a golden banner before them.
The last shot we see has Shane and Ilya forming the shape of a heart on the screen. (Hilarious bonus: it looks like Shane is yelling out the logo of Accent Aigu Entertainment.)

What an incredible end to an incredible show.
So that’s it. That’s Heated Rivalry. Hands-down the best romance novel adaptation I’ve ever seen; easily my favorite TV show of 2025; possibly my favorite TV show of all time. I’m already counting the days until season 2 drops.
It feels hyperbolic to say that this show has changed me and how I view TV, but it has. When I heard Heated Rivalry was getting adapted, my immediate thought was “okay wow somebody decided to do this on hard mode.”
And I was right, because I think the show never takes the easy way out—not for anything that counts. And by paying so much attention to so many things, they’ve shown us what’s possible. Yes, you can adapt a romance novel, one that’s intensely internal and focused on the sex, and it’ll be good because it sticks to the romance beats and romance structure. Yes, you can communicate internal states on film if you’re clever with the camera, and also hire world-class actors who put in the work. And yes, on-screen sex scenes can feel intimate and passionate and immediate and real without ever showing us the genitals, because what makes the sex hot, especially in a romance, isn’t the mechanics, but what the sex signifies. Yearning, connection, intimacy. Character growth. Love.
Heated Rivalry has set the bar incredibly high for romance adaptations, and has proven that a romance story, told well, has immense appeal. Let’s hope we get more that are this good.
https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2026/01/heated-rivalry-season-1-episode-6-recap-come-on-weve-got-bad-things-to-do/
https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/?p=164833