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Mark's mom is dying.
Now, she's been in End Stage Alzheimer's for at least a year now, so she's *been* dying, but this time, it's the end.
His dad called a couple weeks ago, said she was fading, we needed to come say good bye. BiL & SiL dropped everything and went up immediately, as he has a job that allows him to work from nearly anywhere, so no big deal to do so for them. We on the other hand, cannot do that. So we made plans to go up in July.
Well, last week, Mark's dad called, saying she had mere days, when were we coming up and when Mark told him we weren't coming up until July, he wasn't happy. Said things he shouldn't have, about me and my work in particular. Mark blew up at him and finally told him, if she passes before we get up there, then so be it. That he didn't want to remember his mom like this (beridden, unable to communicate, unable to move or eat, on low dose morphine to help her breathe), that he preferred to remember her as she once was. That he said goodbye every time we'd been up there since the diagnosis almost a decade ago. He was so upset at his dad.
He talked about not wanting to go up unless it was for her funeral now. I told him I understood, *I* wouldn't have wanted to see my dad as he was in the hospital either (And my mom told me, she refused to do a video call when the nurses called to say he had mere hours, did she want to say goodbye? She said she did every time she saw him.), so I wasn't going to talk him into it, that I supported him in whatever decision he made.
His dad called last night. He says it's definitely the end, that she's no longer able to eat (she aspirates if he tries to feed her pureed foods & she won't chew if it's solid) and only sleeps most of the day (That's how it was for my dad the last week of his life as well.) He also said he wasn't as depressed about it- which likely colored a lot of his reaction last week, and that he'd keep us updated.
Mark said to me after, that after last week, he wasn't sure he wanted to go up as we planned, after the 4th of July. I told him we could wait until the funeral if he wanted. He wants to spend some extra time up there with his dad, because he thinks he's going to need it, and I agree.
Right now, we are day by day. We know funeral arrangements have already been in place for both of them for years now. There's a will, etc, so really, we just need to show up.
So, yeah, fun times.
Now, she's been in End Stage Alzheimer's for at least a year now, so she's *been* dying, but this time, it's the end.
His dad called a couple weeks ago, said she was fading, we needed to come say good bye. BiL & SiL dropped everything and went up immediately, as he has a job that allows him to work from nearly anywhere, so no big deal to do so for them. We on the other hand, cannot do that. So we made plans to go up in July.
Well, last week, Mark's dad called, saying she had mere days, when were we coming up and when Mark told him we weren't coming up until July, he wasn't happy. Said things he shouldn't have, about me and my work in particular. Mark blew up at him and finally told him, if she passes before we get up there, then so be it. That he didn't want to remember his mom like this (beridden, unable to communicate, unable to move or eat, on low dose morphine to help her breathe), that he preferred to remember her as she once was. That he said goodbye every time we'd been up there since the diagnosis almost a decade ago. He was so upset at his dad.
He talked about not wanting to go up unless it was for her funeral now. I told him I understood, *I* wouldn't have wanted to see my dad as he was in the hospital either (And my mom told me, she refused to do a video call when the nurses called to say he had mere hours, did she want to say goodbye? She said she did every time she saw him.), so I wasn't going to talk him into it, that I supported him in whatever decision he made.
His dad called last night. He says it's definitely the end, that she's no longer able to eat (she aspirates if he tries to feed her pureed foods & she won't chew if it's solid) and only sleeps most of the day (That's how it was for my dad the last week of his life as well.) He also said he wasn't as depressed about it- which likely colored a lot of his reaction last week, and that he'd keep us updated.
Mark said to me after, that after last week, he wasn't sure he wanted to go up as we planned, after the 4th of July. I told him we could wait until the funeral if he wanted. He wants to spend some extra time up there with his dad, because he thinks he's going to need it, and I agree.
Right now, we are day by day. We know funeral arrangements have already been in place for both of them for years now. There's a will, etc, so really, we just need to show up.
So, yeah, fun times.